This #MindfulnessMonday I am reminded of a time when I had many scary symptoms from my medical injury that terrified me because I didn’t know what was going on- why I was experiencing that particular agony in that moment. One time, I reached out to my online support group and described what I was experiencing. A knowledgeable member told me what that symptom was called… I can’t even remember now what symptom it was! But I recall how just putting a name to it gave me such great comfort.
In that moment I not only felt heard and understood, but my sense of fear diminished greatly. Putting a name to what I was experiencing made my pain definable. Now it had borders and limits, and that made it feel less infinite and overwhelming.
Sometimes focusing on the symptoms or the problems we are experiencing in life, labeling them- examining them, can be really helpful.
At other times it can be really counter-productive.
Over the years I’ve had many, many people reach out to me asking me if I’ve experienced…. and then they list off every symptom under the sun. I usually acknowledge that I’ve experienced most everything and that I’ve also healed from these things. But often people want to focus on every single symptom. They want to label absolutely everything they are experiencing and they want to know if that was exactly my experience.
While naming symptoms was helpful for me at times, I did not spend much of my recovery defining and naming every single problem I had. This can become a compulsive behavior that focuses more on what we don’t want than what we do. It is also a control thing. When we feel weak and powerless because everything in our lives has gotten out of control, we want to control something. So we try to control our symptoms by hyper-focusing on them. Ironically, this does the opposite of what we are hoping for which is finding relief from our pain.
There is a truth in this life. That which we focus on grows. If we focus too much on what we don’t want, we are subconsciously telling our bodies to continue to live in that reality, that in fact, this is what we do want! I know it’s awful, but this is a truth I have discovered for myself.
So today the invitation is to find a balance between reaching out for support and comfort, examining the things we need to for our self-care, and letting go of the fear that makes us obsess over the things we cannot control. Repeating the words of the 12-Step serenity prayer throughout the day can be a beautiful way to refocus our thoughts and take that initial step away from fear towards greater peace and healing.
Shalom 🕊
Benzo Brains 